• Episode Followup: Steven's Birthday

    It's Steven's Birthday! After hearing the story of Garnet's birthday, I'm all jazzed to celebrate! Let the party commence! Now remember, Steven promised that he wouldn't age himself to death this year, so we should be safe. Let's dive in!

    And here we go! No no, I'm onto your tricks, intro. I'll bet Connie's not in this episode either!


    I always forget how arts-'n'-craftsy the gems can be. If the whole saving the planet gig ever dries up, they could easily get jobs as decorators.

    "Yo Peri, you sure you don't wanna get in on this?"
    Ooh, Amethyst made Peridot a balloon! Amedot shippers, this could be your moment!

    Never mind. Ice cold.

    Wait, what's this? Could it be?

    IT IS!

    IT'S CONNIE! 10/10 100/100 BEST EPISODE BEST CHARACTER NOT UP FOR DEB8


    And Greg. Yeah, we love you too, man. Except for maybe the Rainbow Quartz crowd I guess.

    "Steven, you're 14!?" "Yeah...?" "But I'm only 12¾! You're older than me? I-I don't believe it!"
    I must admit, I had a similar reaction when hearing Steven and Connie's ages (though they're not older than me). Were you surprised? Leave a note in the comments saying how old you thought they might have been before you found out!

    Hmm, Steven has one of those faces...

    "So he's not going to grow up?" "Well, it's hard to say. He's a gem, and gems don't really grow up. I mean, I've known the gems since I was 22 and they never change... they just are what they are."
    Now Connie has to learn the hard truth that she's best friends with Peter Pan. Wait a tick, Greg was 22 when he first met the gems? We've seen that happen! Wait a minute, I gotta do some math here.

    from the RLM Cop Dog review (NSFW)
    Ok, carry the two... subtract... Ah. So yeah, the youngest possible age Greg could be is 36, but that's highly unlikely. They seem to have met in the mid-to-late 80s, but Steven Universe seems to be set in the present day, so Steven was probably born around 2002, making Greg much closer to 50.

    I wonder if Steven feels left out when Greg and Connie do their "Human Beings" salute. Poor guy's half human, he should be at least half-invited!

    Here goes Amethyst again, accidentally inciting Steven's next bad idea. Like always.

    NO STEVEN, DON'T DO IT! YOU ALMOST DIED LAST TIME YOU PUT THAT ON!

    Phew!

    Waugh! That's... different! I mean ok I guess you only promised you wouldn't age yourself to death, not that you wouldn't just... grow taller. Ok, I'll let it slide. As long as it's safe.

    Love this group shot. Garnet blows out the candles because... well, uh, I dunno. Is it her birthday too? That wasn't explicitly established, but it's plausible. It's only a 1 in 61 chance that two of the Crystal Gems share the same birthday after all.

    Small thing, but I really love how when the box lid lands on Lion's nose, he just stares at it before falling asleep and leaving it there. He's such a kitty cat.

    Badminton! Who will win? My money's on Pearl and Connie. Pearl's dextrous enough that she could probably cover a side all by herself, and Connie's got an amazing Overhand Death Strike.

    "If you hit it, you git it."
    Don't'cha just love to see Pearl let loose and have fun?

    Garnet narrowly avoids a 4th-wall-shattering vocal paradox. That, or she just doesn't want to have to think about Kanye right now.

    Aww, Pearl and Amethyst are dancing together! Ok Pearlmethyst shippers, looks like Opal's still in the game after all.

    "You should sneak me into a PG-13 movie sometime."
    Awww yiss, the power couple is dancing. And I think Connie just asked Steven on a movie date!

    They're about to fuse...

    Everyone wants to see them fuse...

    HURRY UP AND FUSE ALREADY

    No. NO. STEVEN YOU GET BACK THERE AND FUSE WITH CONNIE WE NEED STEVONNIE TO MAKE THIS EPISODE PERFECT

    SCREW IT, DIRECTOR'S CUT, THEY FUSE. I SAID IT, SO IT HAPPENS.
    Yup this is totally how the episode goes. Stevonnie fuses and they're at the barn and they decide to go on a trip!

    Here they are at the White House! The president was very happy to see them! I-I think? Look he's a busy guy, got lots of papers. Papers he's gotta read or else Congress will get mad. Basically all he has time for in a day is to give a few speeches and read all of them papers. Really, they probably only went to scope the place out for when Connie gets elected in a few decades.

    So then Stevonnie went to Homeworld! Turns out they could fix the Galaxy Warp so they did and then they went, isn't that great? But of course all the gems there got mad because Stevonnie is the best a fusion. Like, not even a gem-gem fusion, but a gem half-human full-human fus... actually would they even know that Stevonnie was a fusion? I mean they only have one gem. How do gems tell fusions from non-fusions? Post a comment in this webzone to tell me how gems tell if fusions.

    Speaking of making people mad, I'd better stop this digression and get back to the real episode.

    Ok so Steven, against the wishes of literally everyone, doesn't stay and fuse with Connie. Instead he runs and hides behind the barn to recompress. He would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for...

    Greg and Amethyst. Wait, what the heck are you two doing all the way over here? Do you two regularly sneak off to hit a piƱata? Is this... is this appropriate for kids TV?

    "When Connie grows up and becomes president, what is that gonna make me? First Boy?"
    Now look Steven I'm gonna stop you right there. What you just said was so perfect and wonderful and adorable that I'm going to need you to stop talking for the rest of the episode so you don't spoil this beautiful moment, ok?

    "That one's... Canis Helicopteris."
    Oh, so they ARE using an accurate map of the night sky. Nice touch!

    "I'm really glad that I'm going to get to grow up with you."
    This couple is moving so fast! Kids, you gotta slow down, you've got plenty of time before you're grown up! Also us Stevonnie shippers are probably on the verge of a fatal overdose right now so can you just dial it back a bit please?

    Steven, what are you doing? STEVEN YOU PROMISED!

    STEVEN YOU PROMISED NOT TO AGE TO DEATH ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AGAIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING

    THIS IS NOT BETTER! YOU CHANGE BACK TO YOUR CORRECT AGE RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN

    Garnet self-test initialized.
    I tell you what, if I were that baby I'd be fascinated to bits with that display. Or scared out of my tiny little mind. It's hard to tell with babies.

    "Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are. I wanna hang out with you no matter what."
    This is what I love about Connie. She's so smart and clever that she just... y'know, gets things. She figures stuff out real quick, and she's becoming quite an expert on Steven. She's realized that it was her earlier worrying about Steven not growing up that sapped his confidence and led him down this road. She wants to make sure he knows that he doesn't have to change himself for her, that she's happy with him just the way he was. Having someone tell you they like you just the way you are can sometimes be just what you need to hear to get your confidence in yourself back.

    Oh for crying out loud, Amethyst. I thought we were done with the body horror this episode.

    STEVEN YOU HAD ONE JOB AND THAT WAS TO NOT DIE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. SEE IF I EVER BELIEVE YOU EVER AGAIN

    Phew, false alarm! Steven, you sure do go to some lengths to get a Connie power-hug.

    And we close out the episode with everyone marveling at Steven's face. If you can think of a better caption for this image, please put in the comments.

    Connie confirmed for actual star of show. She deserves it. Here's hoping she sticks around all week!